It has been a horrible two months. First with his death, I lost a friend whose importance in my life was unprecedented. I never realized how much I loved him until he was gone.
Then the hits just kept coming. One disaster or emergency after another. I'm so worn out by it all. I thought that things would at least taper off or plateau.
I didn't expect him to end it today. I don't know why I'm shocked but I am. My heart aches and mostly because of the "what if's". Maybe I'm delusional or blinded by wishes. I'm caught off guard. Disappointed, with him and with myself. I know this will ease but still... The "what if's" haunt me.
It's so discouraging. This is on top of everything else. I'm so weary that I just don't feel strong enough to handle it all anymore. I'm so battered by it all; physically, emotionally, mentally.
I just want to breathe again and feel hope for a better tomorrow. A warm pair of arms to hug me and make the world go away momentarily. I'm so tired.
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