wasting time...

i've spent the last few hours on the phone and reading postsecret messages on the facebook page/group. some of that stuff is so depressing and heartbreaking. it's awful to think that no one could understand or is willing to listen to you. for a long time, that was how i lived my life; thinking that no one cared or that they would judge instead of trying to understand. it's a growing up process that allows you to step back and put things into perspective again. i'm tired of secrets. here are mine:

i hate the selfish, narcissistic person i was. and secretly fear that i will be that person again.
i lied. i'm sorry but the truth would hurt you more.
i hate your self-righteousness. that's why i hated telling you anything. you don't know me.
i'm sorry. but i love myself more and i can't turn my back on me.
i fear the future. i don't know what to do with my life. i fear failure.
i'm not afraid to fall in love again. i'm afraid of the choices that accompany it.
i often wonder if i'm making a big mistake.
i'm afraid to go back because i'm afraid to face him. i'm scared to see disappointment in his eyes.
my heart hurts when she hurts. but i don't know how to end it.
i want someone willing to lay the world at my feet. even though i wouldn't want him to.
i know i would be a wonderful mother. i'm just afraid that i won't have that opportunity.
one day i'll stop wishing i could be a different person for you.
i hope that someday i can look in the mirror and believe that i am beautiful.
i'm really not that smart.